Write Down To It

Back in Business

2009-07-20T15:16:00.006-04:00

It has been quite some time since I've even LOOKED at this blog let alone post on it, but I've been in a writing mood lately so *shrug* I wrote this poem today.

**disclaimer** - I am not this depressed but the finger's did the type'n and this is what I came up with.

Where has my happiness gone
A joyous façade has taken its place
I know not when they switched
I am at the point where I hardly know the difference

It has vanished
Do I even miss it?
I can not tell
Nothing penetrates this new shell
Old memories erased
Leaving emptiness in its place

The question must be asked
Was I ever happy in the first place?

I know I've said it before but I'll say it again, I will update this blog more.....

Me

2009-04-06T07:42:00.008-04:00

I keep trying to find out WHO I AM...and I can't get a grasp on it. So I figure the best way would be to make a list and see if it helps.....

I'm the kind of person that doesn't expect much, if you don't expect much you can't be disappointed.

I'm the kind of person that holds things in and lets them fester instead of confronting the problem head on.

I'm the kind of person that can cry at the drop of a dime.

I'm the kind of person that smiles even though half the the time I don't want to.

I'm the kind of person that dreams big but plans small.

I'm the kind of person that will love you to death until you piss me off and then our relationship will never be the same.

I'm the kind of person that doesn't get angry too often.

I'm the kind of person that thinks before I speak.

I'm also the kind of person that thinks and worries too much.

So this list isn't complete it's just a starting point on my journey to find out exactly who I am...Do you know who you are? And do you even care?

Quote

2009-02-12T08:33:00.004-05:00

Needed a little more inspiration again today...

"Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude
toward's us"

Let's work on being happy...

Quote

2009-02-10T07:42:00.003-05:00

So I'm going to stop saying daily quote because of course this ish ain't always daily, lol. But this morning I was in need of quote to help me get through the day ( i know the day just started but it's one of those mornings). I am the kind of person to always complain about the something and I'm trying to work on the fault I have (it's not attractive) so this quote helped me somewhat. I needed to read this

"Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently"

I feel slightly better....

Daily Quote

2009-01-08T12:03:00.002-05:00

My head...it hurts. It's been hurting since yesterday, it is one of those nagging headaches that linger to make you feel just really crappy. Like I need help in that department, anyway this quote usually makes me feel better

" Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"

~Abraham Lincoln

Time to make up my mind.

The Game (rough draft)

2009-01-07T09:33:00.000-05:00

For most the score starts off tied 0-0, no one yet has the advantage. But for others they enter the game unlucky and already down by a large amount. This game has two halves and four quarters like most games, but that isn't where the similarities end. But this game is not like anything you have ever seen or been a part of before and you are not lucky enough to experience again.

The first quarter is usually the hardest, trying to to feel out your opponent and figure out exactly what it's strengths are and what weakness you have. But this opponent has faced many a worthy adversary in it's time and rarely if at all can anyone say they have beaten it. Everyone comes into the game a rookie, some leave the game before they think it's their time and other's get the chance to play until the coach tells then to come out. Like with any game there are fouls and mistakes, but if you are lucky you have a good supporting cast to help you get through the game.

This game however can not be played by one person however, you will need your teammates to help and assist you through the rough quarters. And when your opponent takes the lead, for it will most certainly take a lead you will need to rely heavily on your team. As with any game though it comes down having a good game plan and strategy, though the outcome of this game is already determined but the way you play lies in your hands.

Life is the biggest game in the world, how do you play it?

Daily Quote

2009-01-07T09:12:00.001-05:00

"If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature"

- Bruce Barton

I Really Should

2009-01-06T16:40:00.003-05:00

Check for this blog more

Check for this blog more

Check for this blog more

Check for this blog more

Check for this blog more

I figure if I type it enough times I'll do it. If I say it, it shall come to pass. Another one of my outlooks for 2009. We shall see how it works. Oh and I think I should finish my short-story too, lol.

Horoscope Readings

2008-12-03T08:35:00.006-05:00

Whoa, sometimes these horoscope readings are dead on! I don't normally pay much attention to them but maybe I should. Here is my horoscope for today

CANCER
June 22-July 22
Your emotions are a bit stronger than usual today while your family's feelings are more subdued. That could lead to friction if you aren't careful, so you should try to assume the best about them.

astrology.com

That's crazy! If only you knew....It says to ASSume the best, you know what they say when you ASSume right? Yea I thought you might. But I will think positive today and try to not let my emotions get the best of me. Which is easier said than done.

Questions

2008-11-21T11:56:00.004-05:00

You ever feel like crying but don't know why?

You ever feel like the world is just closing in around you?

You ever feel like no one understands you and you wonder if they ever will?

Have you ever gotten so lost in your own mind you can't find your way out?

Do you get to a point in your life where you say I will not be ignored?

Do you close your eyes and wish to be anywhere else in the world?

What do you do then?

Sucking

2008-09-22T23:01:00.004-04:00

No not that kind of sucking, get your mind outta the gutter and pass the butter. I felt the need to express myself right now at this exact moment.I don't really have much to talk about but I feel like rambling, so.

I have a headache right now and that is what sucks, it's been nagging me for a few days now. What sucks even more is I don't know why I get these crappy headaches, yea I got stress but who doesn't these days? Been to the doctor he say's I'm fine but what do doctors know anyway.You know what else sucks? Working....No I guess I should say the work I do sucks, maybe I'm getting these headaches from the job. I have something else that sucks...Boys, men, males whatever they are in my life. They are all suckers and suck at sucking, all of them. And the last thing that sucks? Getting up early to go to the sucky job

I leave you with this quote....

"I sometimes think words were created just for people to complain" or something like that..

Thoughts

2008-09-17T08:48:00.002-04:00

I think maybe I will switch around some things on this platform of my thoughts. And I might just finish that short story I did. I really have no excuse as to why I haven't finished it sooner but I don't know I just haven't felt like it. Really I haven't felt like doing much of nothing to be honest with you. It might have to do with the fact that I've stopped writing and getting all the crazy ramblings in my head out. I kind of feel better already just typing this. I don't know how to explain my connection to writing, it's been something I've been doing for as long as I can remember and for some reason I can better express myself through pen and paper or in this case keyboard and blog. My mind is a complex highway that hardly ever stops moving and to let it all sit in my head and marinate can't healthy. I think the first thing I'll change is the background and then perhaps work on the short story I can't seem to get my mind around.

Open Your Eyes

2008-08-22T08:08:00.000-04:00

I am

2008-08-21T20:43:00.004-04:00

Who am I?
A girl with flaws
who most times lives by her own laws
Trying to find life's purpose and her cause

Who am I?
A girl that puts on a gleeful facade
All the while on the inside she is scarred
Yet will not show it because of her heart

Who am I?
A lover who is alone
Who has no one to call her own

Who am I
I am everything that I think I am.

Everything I Am - Kanye West

Blockage of A Writer

2008-08-20T09:01:00.002-04:00

It's been about 2 weeks since I last left an entry here. Not to make excuses but I've had a serious writer's block and a case of the lazies (which I get often,lol). Another thing is the story I was working on After the Storm, I can not get the ending to work for me I made a mistake and started writing before I actually planned anything out. And now I have no clue as to where I want to go with it. But I've never been one to let something as small as a short story beat me, so I am continuing to work on it but it's taking more time than I thought. I hope you all can bear with me (all 2 maybe 3 of you, lol). Maybe I will be back today with a poem or prose.

Thanks.

B.

Double Daily Quote

2008-08-05T08:45:00.001-04:00

I was missing in action yesterday..

Monday

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book"

~Irish Proverb

Today

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself"

~George Bernard Shaw

That last one is one I have to think on, because it's really true and I stay trying to find myself.

Daily Quote

2008-08-01T08:45:00.001-04:00

If this isn't the truth..

"Beginning is easy - continuing is hard"

~ Japanese Proverb

Daily Quote

2008-07-31T08:42:00.002-04:00

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty"

~ Winston Churchill

Double Daily Quote

2008-07-30T08:55:00.003-04:00

Tuesday

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"

~ Abe Lincoln

Today

" The most wasted of days is one without laughter"

~ E.E Cummings

Daily Quote

2008-07-28T09:19:00.001-04:00

"Many people will walk in and out of your life,but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart"

~ Unknown

Daily Quote

2008-07-25T08:44:00.002-04:00

"Hope is a waking dream"

~ Aristotle

Daily Quote

2008-07-24T08:45:00.000-04:00

This is something I think alot of people need to take notice of. Because if you ask me the world is going in the wrong direction.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Other World

2008-07-23T09:46:00.000-04:00

I sit with Zen like meditation
Trying desperately to escape all my frustrations
Face in hand trying to come up with a master plan
To not let life beat me

I close my eyes and, my mind opens to another time
Somewhere very far yet so very near
My own personal dimension
Where I can escape life and its aggression

A system
A place
With no faults
Where life embraces you, with open arms
Somewhere that gives you a guide to follow
To be successful
To be happy
To look forward to tomorrow

Where no pain can hurt you
And only positive thoughts consume you
Everyday brings a smile to your face
Where happiness takes depression's place
Everything is right with the world

But then...
Would it really be life?
My mind's eye closes and I'm forced back to reality

Daily Quote

2008-07-23T08:45:00.000-04:00

"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed"

~ Theodore Roosevelt

Daily Quote

2008-07-22T08:45:00.000-04:00

Lately I guess i've been experiencing writer's block and I was super busy last week. But I promise to get back on the poem and prose tip.

"The idle always have a mind to do something" ~Marquis De Vauvenargues

Daily Quote

2008-07-21T08:45:00.000-04:00

This quote is very fitting today. Actually for me, it's fitting anyday.

"Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow"

~Gerald Vaughan

Double Daily Quote

2008-07-18T08:45:00.001-04:00

Thursday

"You are what you think. You are what you go for. You are what you do" ~ Bob Richards

Today

"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you've got something to say" ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Daily Quote

2008-07-16T08:45:00.002-04:00

"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them" ~Washington Irving

Daily Quote

2008-07-15T08:45:00.001-04:00

"At the center of your being you have the answer;
You know who you are and you know what you want"
~Lao-tzu

Perfect Doesn't Exist

2008-07-14T11:00:00.001-04:00

Perfect Gentleman
Who listens when I talk
Communicates when it’s hard
Loves me and my flaws
I can feel secure in his arms

Perfect Gentleman
Knows that even though I act like it, I am not strong
And I cry when I wrong
But to him I never am

Perfect Gentleman
That makes me smile when it’s easier to frown
Gives me chocolate kisses when I'm down

Perfect Gentleman
Is there such a thing?

Daily Quote

2008-07-14T08:45:00.001-04:00

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

~Cynthia Nelms

Love/Hate

2008-07-12T18:40:00.003-04:00

I love life

I hate the uncertainty

I love the idea of Love
I hate not experiencing it yet

I love being myself
I hate not knowing who I am

I love to spend my money on things I want
I hate that I can't

I love expressing myself
I hate being over-sensitive

I love being independent
I hate doing this all on my own

I love food
I hate gaining weight

I love to think
I hate when I think too much

I love to daydream
I hate having to come back to reality

I love to smile
I hate that lately I haven't

I love being alone
I hate being alone

After the Storm Pt.3

2008-07-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

Click Here for part 1.

Click here for part 2.

It seemed like an hour had passed since this chance encounter began and Stacy was getting sleepier by the minute. She could see why Iris's girlfriend broke up with her, she would not shut her mouth. But it appeared the talking was therapeutic because the tears Iris was shedding earlier had stopped. The talking didn't though she just keep going and going, the energizer bunny would be so proud. Okay maybe that was a harsh Stacy thought but she was sleepy and almost certain it was 3 am or close to it. Iris keep talking about how great this other woman was, Stacy learned her name was Daphne and she was 35 and she was the sweetest kindest person in the entire world according to Iris. Right now Iris was still going "I knew Daphne was special from the first moment we met. Her passion for life and our love was so strong." Stacy could not take it anymore if this woman was so great why the hell weren't they still together? So Stacy cut Iris off "You've said how you think the sun rise and set's off this woman but you haven't said why you two broke up?" Stacy was looking at Iris now and a gloomy expression came over her and she bowed her head into her chest and said very low "She claimed the love had fizzled and the relationship had become boring and the passion was gone. But those weren't the only reasons" a pause followed and Iris didn't seem like she could bring herself to say any more. She looked up and out to sea and said " I learned today that she is 3 and a half months pregnant and I'm sure you can guess I'm not the father." Stacy wanted to chuckle but she didn't think that was a good idea so instead she said "Oh, she cheated on you and got pregnant, then wanted to start the "family thing?" Iris's head turned back to Stacy and her bright green eyes locked onto Stacy's and she just shook her head. Stacy didn't know what else to say so she just looked at Iris, chatterbox aside Iris was a stunning woman. She had shoulder length long brown hair a caramel complexion and the prettiest green eyes Stacy had ever seen. She was about 5'8 but she looked like she was all legs, they were so long. Stacy had the feeling she had seen Iris somewhere before but couldn't remember exactly where. Those green eyes are hard to forget but Stacy thought they might have seen each other in passing. They were both still staring at each other and Stacy realized it and broke the gaze.

The quiet was broken by the piano notes of Ribbon In the Sky and Stacy thought she might have been hearing things but when she turned back to look, it was Iris's cellphone. Looking down at the phone Iris was looked angry and hurt at the same time. Stacy assumed it was Daphne calling and wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the area for this conversation.
" Do you mind talking to her" Iris said quickly. Looking shocked and confused "Why would you want me to talk to her, can't you just ignore it? Stacy said back just as quickly. Iris rushed over next to Stacy and handed her the phone "Please," she pleaded "You know what's it like after a break-up you want to talk but you don't really want to hear their voice, please?" Stacy did know that feeling, you want to hear what the other person is saying but to hear their voice would send you over the edge. Stacy took the phone and pressed the green button and put it up to her ears. "Hello" she said timidly. The voice on the other line asked if this was Iris but Stacy wasn't listening, the voice on the other line made her realize where she had seen Iris before.

Until next week.........

Daily Quote

2008-07-11T08:45:00.002-04:00

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger."
~ FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Daily Quote

2008-07-10T08:45:00.000-04:00

"Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of
course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want
to escape from these things"~T.S. Eliot

Daily Quote

2008-07-09T08:45:00.001-04:00

"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind"

~ Buddha

Daily Quote

2008-07-08T08:45:00.001-04:00

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."

~E. Hemingway

Dreaming Goals

2008-07-07T10:26:00.001-04:00

To elaborate on today's quote.

I have dreams.

We all should. They give you so much to look forward to, to keep you sane when you are closer to insanity.

Goals, I have them too.

We set them to give our lives meaning. To know we can achieve something, anything we put our minds to.

But when life doesn’t go the way you planed it, like it usually does what are we to do then? I understand the idea behind the two but I wonder sometimes what’s the use of even having them? Life won’t just give them to you but it will make it harder to get in the same vicinity of them, let alone obtain them. Are they things to make life more bearable? Or could they just be one of life’s cruel jokes? I don’t have the answers but I know I shouldn’t give up on either one.

Daily Quote

2008-07-07T08:45:00.000-04:00

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Daily Quotes

2008-07-06T08:45:00.000-04:00

If you are sure you understand everything that is going on, you are hopelessly confused"
~ Walter F. Mondale

Daily Quote

2008-07-05T08:45:00.000-04:00

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have
imagined"
~ Henry David Thoreau

Daily Quote

2008-07-04T08:45:00.000-04:00

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or
to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
~ Theodore Rubin

Daily Quote

2008-07-03T08:45:00.000-04:00

"The universe is transformation; our life is what our thoughts make it."

~ Marcus Aurelius

Daily Quote

2008-07-02T08:45:00.002-04:00

I figure I'd start a daily quote post. I am one that loves quotes and sometimes I spend an hour or two out of the day reading and looking up quotes. It's just something about them that make me think and self analyze. I hope they can do the same for you.

Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure
a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on
earth is it for."

~Alice Walker

After The Storm pt.2

2008-07-01T18:45:00.001-04:00

Click Here for part 1.

Stacy heard the cracking of gravel up above where her car was parked. Turning her head back toward the parking area she saw a dark colored car pulling up directly next to her vehicle. The thought never occurred to Stacy that any one else knew about this serene getaway. The driver of the car turned off the engine and the bright lights that were blinding Stacy. A few minutes passed and as she stood there, Stacy didn't think it was good idea to be standing out in the open being watched. She decided it was time to go and it felt like the sky was about to open up anyway, so Stacy turned around and headed back up to her car. Just then the driver side door to the other vehicle opened up, and a medium built silhouette stepped out. Frozen in mid step Stacy couldn't make out if the figure was male or not. Glancing down to her travel size mace attached to her key chain then back up to the figure, she wished whoever it was would try something. She never gotten the chance to use the spray and the thought of using it on someone of the male persuasion tonight brought a smile to Stacy's face. Continuing to make her way back up to the car; to get to the beach there was a sloped walkway the path was clear you just had to make sure to keep your balance. As she got level to the parking area, Stacy noticed the driver was a woman, her hair was out and it was blowing freely in the night wind. Relaxing a bit Stacy continued on to her car, the other female driver was staring out to the sea and it looked like she was washed away in tears. You couldn't see all that well being that this area wasn't exactly a public place and there was no lighting of any kind except for the glow of the moonlight. Then Stacy heard the sniffles and it was confirmed that this unexpected guest was crying. Not knowing whether to just get in her car and drive off or try and talk to this woman, Stacy stood by her driver's side door contemplating. Then something hit Stacy, maybe this woman might be here to end her life and Stacy just could not live with herself if she saw this woman moments before her death and did nothing to prevent it. Not really knowing what to say to break the ice,

"Um not to be nosey or anything but are you okay, I noticed you were crying" said Stace softly.

The teary-eyed woman looked over and said "Thank you for asking, life just isn't treating me kindly right now."

"I know I'm a complete stranger, but would you like to talk about it?" Stacy didn't know what the hell she was doing, this woman could be some kind of nut job and she was bending conversation with her.

Giving Stacy the once over the stranger said between sniffles "I didn't know...anyone knew about this place, it's so well hidden." There was a delay and the woman looked down and said barely above a whisper, "My girlfriend and I just ended our 5 year relationship" the stranger confessed.

Taken aback Stacy just didn't know what to say now. If this intruder said her and her boyfriend just broke up Stacy could handle that, male bashing was very easy at the moment. But a lesbian relationship was foreign and Stacy was kind of uncomfortable now. Shifting from one foot to another "I'm sorry to hear that, well this is the best place to come and think and vent to the world" proclaimed Stacy. Reaching for the car handle she was about to make her way into the car when the stranger said,

"My name is Iris by the way and if you don't mind I would really like someone to talk to. People say it's good to talk to strangers, they can see things more clearly than you could. And I just can't understand what went wrong" she rambled. Stacy thought about the bible but told her mind not to go there. Shaking the thought out of her head and releasing the door handle Stacy walked over to Iris, but she made sure to leave at least 3 feet between them. "Uh, I guess we can talk and my name is Stacy", damn it she thought to her self. If she tries anything or gets too close I am so using this mace, Stacy said to herself and secretly hoping the rain would hurry up and come down. Another thing she would have to call her mother about, raising her kids to be polite and kind-hearted. Stacy looked over to Iris and waited for the broken-heart story to come.

Until next week...

Day of Birth

2008-07-01T08:45:00.000-04:00

Well it's that time of year. Here are some of my favorite Birthday quotes. Happy Birthday to all my fellow Cancers, WE RULE!

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~ Tom Stoppard

Birth may be a matter of a moment, but it is a unique one. ~ Frederick Leboyer

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is the work of art. ~ Garson Kanin

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~ Mark Twain

You're not getting older, you're getting better. ~ Unknown

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional ~Unknown

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball

When you were born you were crying and everyone around you were smiling, live life so that when you die you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.~ I forgot who said this but I love it.

Open Letter

2008-06-28T21:10:00.000-04:00

I am not able to understand

Why you treat me the way you do

So many tears and so much plain you've inflicted upon me

But what harm have I done you?

I do all you ask of me

Trying to be as perfect as a human can be

Yet you still are determined to hinder me

I can see you,
Sitting back and grinning
Every time I have a setback or fail
What kind of satisfaction does that give you?
Sometimes I think I should give up and bail
Say goodbye to this relationship and let you win
But how will that look on me
That when the going gets tough, I flee?
No! I will stay and I will win
I'll get to the point where
I smile even when I fail
For I know in failure there's always a lesson to be learned
And in turn, I will turn that back on you
You should know
That I am stronger because of all the things you do

There is something deep within me
That will guide me to my success
I will not allow you to deter me from it
I can not
I know what you are capable of
I've seen you when you are at your destructive best
My friend, had also seen your evil nature
I think of him often,
And it breaks me to the pit of my being
that he let you win
I have not much else to say
But this I do know
Life,
You are
No one's friend.

After the Storm

2008-06-24T11:00:00.002-04:00

I've been contemplating writing a story for a long time. I usually start one then completely forget it and when I read it back, I'm like where was I going with this? But I don't know I guess now is as good a time as any to start something. And as of late I've gotten an urge to write a short story or something. I don't really know if I'm going to continue this lil story I have, I guess it depends on the feedback I get. But here goes hope you like it.

Stacy sat in her parked black 2 door Honda Accord, staring out at the Atlantic ocean. This was her getaway spot, where she came to think, cry, get some clarity or just to be. Even at 12 o clock on a weeknight, this was where she came. Lost out at sea her mind wondered to Dorsey, the latest rough wave in Stacy's usually normal placid life. You see Stacy is the kind of girl that always falls for the wrong guy, and always without fail. It's like she emits a L is for loser signal where ever she goes. But Stace could have sworn Dorsey was different, though she thought all the guys where different on the first few dates. But no, Dorsey was just like the rest of them. Afraid of commitment, just looking for a good time, calling you at three in the morning to "hang", oh you thought I was just seeing you kind of guys. Stacy just couldn't seem to understand it. She was a pretty good looking woman she thought. She worked out every morning, to say she was fit would be an understatement. Every body part on her was toned, from her biceps to her quads.Yet she had curves in all the right places, she must remember to call her mom and thank her for the amazing womanly body she had given her. She had the smoothest Hersey's kiss skin, slanted light brown eyes. And she'd been told her lips could put Angelina Jolie's to shame. At 5'5 she was average height, but her larger than life personality made her seem much taller.But she knew her best feature was her smile. All through college she had the nickname "Sunny". A ex-boyfriend told her she had a smile that could make the sun non-existent. He started calling her "Sunny" and to this day, 6 years later a few friends still call her that. So with all the physical attributes she had, she really couldn't understand how she could attract such vagabonds for mates. But Dorsey was the last straw, she was done with men. She absoultely couldn't take it anymore. She would swear off men, right here in front of the Atlantic. Her toned legs hopped out the car and she walk toward the beach. And right in front of the incoming tide she said " I Stacy Micheal Lawrence, hereby solemnly swear to give up on all men until a time comes where I feel I can look at one without wanting to bite their head off!" While out of the car, Stace notice the weather got a lot colder and windy. She looked towards the dark night sky and then out to the never ending sea. And at that exact moment a loud, violent noise meet her ears and shook the ground."Oh a storms a brewing" she says. But little did Stacy know in the upcoming days how true that statement would come to be.

Music Quotables Pt.1

2008-06-18T08:05:00.002-04:00

I am perhaps the biggest music fan I know. Here are some quotes from songs that help me get through whatever is stressing me out at that time. Or music quotes i just really like.

"I'm a star how can I not shine" - Kanye West (I wonder)

"So many years of depression make me vision/The better livin, type of place to raise kids in" - Nas(If I ruled the World)

"Always do your best/don't let the pressure make you panic/And when you get stranded/And things don't go the way you planned it/Dreamin of riches, in a position of makin a difference" - Tupac (Me against the World)

"I play my enemies like a game of chess/where I rest/No stress" - Lauryn Hill (Ready or Not)

"Everything I'm not made me everything I am" - Kanye West (Everything I am)

"Since 86 showing the crowd what I'm about" - Rakim (Classic)

"Gained the whole world for the price of your soul/Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control/Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold/Wisdom is better than silver and gold/I was hopeless now I'm on Hope road" - Lauryn Hill (Lost Ones)

"To be a soldier, must maintain composure at ease/Though life is complicated/only what you make it to be " - Tupac (Ambitionz as a Rida)

"It's too many black women that can say they mothers/but can't say that they wives" -Common(Retrospect of Life)

"F*ck rich let's get wealthy/who else gone feed we/if I need i'mma get it however/God help me" - Jay-Z (No Hook)

"If I ruled the world and everything in it, sky's the limit,/I push a Q-45 Infinit/It wouldn't be no such thing as jealousies or B Felonies/Strictly living longevity to the destiny" - Nas(If I Ruled the World)

"Only God can judge him,/only he without sin/Can tell me if my means can justify my ends" - Jay-Z(Say Hello)

"But my most coveted thing/is the high self-esteem/and a low tolerance for them tellin me how to lean" - Lupe Fiasco (Gold Watch)

"For me to live forever I can only do that through you/Nerve I got to talk about them niggaz with a gun/Must have really thought I was God to take the life of my son" - Common (Retrospect of Life)

"Everything is everything/What is meant to be, will be/After winter, must come spring/Change, it comes eventually" - Lauryn Hill (Everything is Everything)

"Whenever I got lonely/needed some advice/He gave me his shoulder/his words were very nice" - Erykah Badu (Love of My Life)

Well it's only fitting I end with that quotable since all the songs I listed are hip hop, and that last quote is how i feel about music in general also. So i guess this was the hip hop version (I'm sure there will be other hip hip versions). Do you have any favorite music quotables?

Life + Me = Tired

2008-06-10T08:35:00.002-04:00

Most days I truly hate being what we call a "responsible" adult

I don't think I'm coping well with life and all her faults

My time and money are not my own

How can I come to grips with being grown?

Having these obligations to oblige

I didn't go looking for them but I can not hide

If I were to know it was this stressful to be an elder

I would have tried to stay a youth as long as I could if not forever

My soul is hungry

and my spirit, weary

The short time I've been on this earth

My burden has been heavy

Some days I wish I could just run away

But being responsible, I must stay

I learned about life at an early age

And now I'm jaded at this stage

Self Talk

2008-06-09T09:00:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I over analyze the way I do. Maybe it's my desire to understand everything about life. But does anyone really understand life? My mind is always racing with thoughts that I can't help but think and choices I don't know if I should have made. Right now, at this stage in my life I can't get this saying out of my mind "the choices you make now will have an affect on you for the rest of your life." I try to live in the moment and when I do here comes my over analyzing mind wondering if I might have made a mistake. To tell the truth I hate thinking so much, it gives me headaches. But I love it cause it gives me a better understanding of myself. Which in the end is what is most important in life. So I guess I will continue this hate/love relationship till i don't need the love anymore. When that will be though I have no idea, with all this self analyzing and contemplation I'm still lost and confused.

So Many Choices

2008-06-04T21:00:00.000-04:00

We went our different ways

You chose the path you wanted

Which led me to choose the path I needed

There is a saying that says

"You only need people in your life that need you in theirs"

For you?

I will will shed no more tears

I can't believe at the time I was so blind

That I couldn't see through your lies

I made a bad choice, I choose my heart over my mind

A choice I know now that was completely asinine

Looking back at this "thing" we called a relationship

I can't believe I was that dimwitted

But life comes down to the choices we make and our mistakes

Now you want to U-turn back down the road we were on

But you still can't see that you were wrong

And I am glad

You chose the path you wanted

That forced me to choose the path I needed

Older Stuff

2008-06-03T20:15:00.004-04:00

No Manual
The sun is high in the sky
But I'm so dark inside
Emptiness is my mind
Nowhere to go or hide
The age old question
What am I to do with my life?
Is the only thing I'm thinking of
The choices I make now
Can affect me forever
What am I to do?
I have no clue
Why is there no manual?
To guide you through this ride
How are you to survive
In such a trying time
The heat of the sun is beating on you
But you can only feel the cold in you

No More Sun

What do you do when you can' t cry anymore, when it isn't possible to shed a tear, your body just won't allow it.Tired and frustrated, it doesn't even make any sense being depressed anymore. You are so far past that, you don't even know what to call it. Swelling stress headaches only have you feeling worse.
And there seems like there is no end in sight. How are you to manage and exist, cause really that is all your doing isn't it?When the weather reflects your gloomy mood, there's no sunshine here today.

Will there ever be again?

Sour Lemonade
Closed in spaces

Dark, damp places

Longing to be free

By gods good graces

Lonely thoughts

That take over your mind

Willing you back

To the trenches

Of the mind

Running, running but can't escape

Fighting, Fighting but will not break

Why is life the way it is?

Why must we suffer, even the kids

They say when life gives you lemon's make lemonade

But what happens when the lemons don't make the grade

Spoiled and rotten much like society

What are we to do then?

In this time of impropriety

Prototype

2008-06-03T19:20:00.000-04:00

The soft touch of his lips
The hope behind his kiss
I stare into his eyes
Where I know safety lies
I am enamored by his mind
With him, there is no other way I'd prefer to spend my time
I feel bliss when he touches my skin
I can sense when he blows kisses to me in the wind
When I see him my stomach starts to feel empty
I love that he has that affect on me
My protector that rubs my belly when I don't feel good
With him I'm never misunderstood
My heart I allow him to steal
I only wish he were real

Things that make me happy

2008-05-28T15:20:00.002-04:00

Chocolate kisses from him

Playing pool when I win

Love from my family tree

Staring out at the sea

Hearing my niece laugh

or Working on my craft

My mom's macaroni and cheese

Flirting and being a tease

Sleeping in late

and of course having faith

Listening to music that is good for the soul

Being pampered when I have a cold

Any and everything that makes me laugh

Relaxing while taking a bubble bath

I can't forget

Making funny faces

Traveling to different places

Making other's smile

People that have style

And Last

but surely not least

What is better or more heartfelt

Than just being myself.

My never ending conversation.

2008-05-28T09:00:00.001-04:00

Pop open do my eyes, awaking from a deep sleep. Takes me a moment to gather myself while I realize the time, the dead of night. When most things are lost in sleep I lay awake..thinking..my mind moves at such a rampant rate, it's a wonder with my horrible direction i never get completely lost in it. Staring up at the ceiling, always am i analyzing life's meaning. What is my purpose, what was i put here to do? Questions i ask myself daily, answers I wonder if I'll ever know. Life is ever changing though, so might be my answers....... My eyelids start to get heavy and thoughtless dreams hover over me. I can feel the sleep surrounding me, but i know this conversation is never over. My mind and I will continue to have this battle but for tonight it is done. I will not wake again until i feel the sun.

End of the Show

2008-05-26T17:20:00.000-04:00

Lonely is my feeling
Hurt is my soul
My thoughts have submerged me in all things I know
How do you escape the thoughts of the mind
When the uncertainty leaves you ever blind?
Void stares into nothing,

feeling like the same
I don't know how much more I can take,

of this game
Love is what it is
At least that's what they say
But it's more like some theatrical play

Well I don't want to act anymore, the curtains must close

There will be no more

love hate shows!

This is the end, I bid you adu

Never again shall I see you

There will be no second calls nor sequels

Curtsy to our play

To you have nothing more to say

Change Seasons

2008-05-25T21:47:00.000-04:00

I can't help that darkness consumes me

It's a feeling I feel most of the time

My world is a cold unforgiving place

Last in a one man race

Never ending headaches

A car going 100 miles per hour with no breaks

I can't remember what life was like before the darkness came

Where are my timeouts in this unfair game?

When does my season end?

So the new one can begin

Younger Days

2008-05-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

Here is something I wrote when I was about 12ish. I gave it to my mom for that Mother's Day

The thought of losing you makes me want to cry

The thought of seeing you hurt makes me want to die

You've been with me through thick and thin

And I love you even when,

I yell or scream

Or say something mean

Even though I really don't show it

You are the only one I can go to when i'm in trouble

And I'll try my hardest to make it up to you

For all the headaches and pains I've caused you

I'll love you till I get old and wrinkled

I don't want you to ever leave me but if you have to

Be my guardian angel

Cause I really love you...

Hmm, looking back on it that wasn't too bad for 12ish..lol

Hello..Shalom..Bonjour, and the rest of that good stuff

2008-05-25T17:26:00.000-04:00

Well I decided to start a blog of my writing, you know poems and prose. Another something to keep me on the net instead of pretending to be working. Here is a lil something I threw together.

My mind is free

My soul is light

Yet I am alone

With no sense of myself or

my goals

What does life have in store for me?

That is something I would like to know

to succeed

Will you join me on this ride?

Help to somewhat be my guide

Through this journey that we call life

and in the trying times

I welcome you

into what I called my mind.

I hope you enjoy the ride.