A joyous façade has taken its place
I know not when they switched
I am at the point where I hardly know the difference
It has vanished
Do I even miss it?
I can not tell
Nothing penetrates this new shell
Old memories erased
Leaving emptiness in its place
The question must be asked
Was I ever happy in the first place?
I keep trying to find out WHO I AM...and I can't get a grasp on it. So I figure the best way would be to make a list and see if it helps.....
I'm the kind of person that doesn't expect much, if you don't expect much you can't be disappointed.
I'm the kind of person that holds things in and lets them fester instead of confronting the problem head on.
I'm the kind of person that can cry at the drop of a dime.
I'm the kind of person that smiles even though half the the time I don't want to.
I'm the kind of person that dreams big but plans small.
I'm the kind of person that will love you to death until you piss me off and then our relationship will never be the same.
I'm the kind of person that doesn't get angry too often.
I'm the kind of person that thinks before I speak.
I'm also the kind of person that thinks and worries too much.
So this list isn't complete it's just a starting point on my journey to find out exactly who I am...Do you know who you are? And do you even care?
Needed a little more inspiration again today..."Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude
toward's us"
Let's work on being happy...
"Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently"
I feel slightly better....
My head...it hurts. It's been hurting since yesterday, it is one of those nagging headaches that linger to make you feel just really crappy. Like I need help in that department, anyway this quote usually makes me feel better
" Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"
~Abraham Lincoln
Time to make up my mind.
The first quarter is usually the hardest, trying to to feel out your opponent and figure out exactly what it's strengths are and what weakness you have. But this opponent has faced many a worthy adversary in it's time and rarely if at all can anyone say they have beaten it. Everyone comes into the game a rookie, some leave the game before they think it's their time and other's get the chance to play until the coach tells then to come out. Like with any game there are fouls and mistakes, but if you are lucky you have a good supporting cast to help you get through the game.
This game however can not be played by one person however, you will need your teammates to help and assist you through the rough quarters. And when your opponent takes the lead, for it will most certainly take a lead you will need to rely heavily on your team. As with any game though it comes down having a good game plan and strategy, though the outcome of this game is already determined but the way you play lies in your hands.
Life is the biggest game in the world, how do you play it?
"If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature"
- Bruce Barton
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I figure if I type it enough times I'll do it. If I say it, it shall come to pass. Another one of my outlooks for 2009. We shall see how it works. Oh and I think I should finish my short-story too, lol.
Whoa, sometimes these horoscope readings are dead on! I don't normally pay much attention to them but maybe I should. Here is my horoscope for today
astrology.comCANCER
June 22-July 22
Your emotions are a bit stronger than usual today while your family's feelings are more subdued. That could lead to friction if you aren't careful, so you should try to assume the best about them.
That's crazy! If only you knew....It says to ASSume the best, you know what they say when you ASSume right? Yea I thought you might. But I will think positive today and try to not let my emotions get the best of me. Which is easier said than done.
You ever feel like crying but don't know why?
You ever feel like the world is just closing in around you?
You ever feel like no one understands you and you wonder if they ever will?
Have you ever gotten so lost in your own mind you can't find your way out?
Do you get to a point in your life where you say I will not be ignored?
Do you close your eyes and wish to be anywhere else in the world?
What do you do then?
No not that kind of sucking, get your mind outta the gutter and pass the butter. I felt the need to express myself right now at this exact moment.I don't really have much to talk about but I feel like rambling, so.
I have a headache right now and that is what sucks, it's been nagging me for a few days now. What sucks even more is I don't know why I get these crappy headaches, yea I got stress but who doesn't these days? Been to the doctor he say's I'm fine but what do doctors know anyway.You know what else sucks? Working....No I guess I should say the work I do sucks, maybe I'm getting these headaches from the job. I have something else that sucks...Boys, men, males whatever they are in my life. They are all suckers and suck at sucking, all of them. And the last thing that sucks? Getting up early to go to the sucky job
I leave you with this quote....
"I sometimes think words were created just for people to complain" or something like that..
I think maybe I will switch around some things on this platform of my thoughts. And I might just finish that short story I did. I really have no excuse as to why I haven't finished it sooner but I don't know I just haven't felt like it. Really I haven't felt like doing much of nothing to be honest with you. It might have to do with the fact that I've stopped writing and getting all the crazy ramblings in my head out. I kind of feel better already just typing this. I don't know how to explain my connection to writing, it's been something I've been doing for as long as I can remember and for some reason I can better express myself through pen and paper or in this case keyboard and blog. My mind is a complex highway that hardly ever stops moving and to let it all sit in my head and marinate can't healthy. I think the first thing I'll change is the background and then perhaps work on the short story I can't seem to get my mind around.
A girl with flaws
who most times lives by her own laws
Trying to find life's purpose and her cause
Who am I?
A girl that puts on a gleeful facade
All the while on the inside she is scarred
Yet will not show it because of her heart
Who am I?
A lover who is alone
Who has no one to call her own
Who am I
I am everything that I think I am.
It's been about 2 weeks since I last left an entry here. Not to make excuses but I've had a serious writer's block and a case of the lazies (which I get often,lol). Another thing is the story I was working on After the Storm, I can not get the ending to work for me I made a mistake and started writing before I actually planned anything out. And now I have no clue as to where I want to go with it. But I've never been one to let something as small as a short story beat me, so I am continuing to work on it but it's taking more time than I thought. I hope you all can bear with me (all 2 maybe 3 of you, lol). Maybe I will be back today with a poem or prose.
Thanks.
B.
I was missing in action yesterday..
Monday
Today
If this isn't the truth..
Today
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